God is calling.
I am posting this about week after it has happened, so that some of you could read this journey and understand where God has been speaking to me from and about.
Ok, here I am.Â 11:39 pm and I canâ€™t sleep.Â I read, I pray, and sometimes I cry. Â Â OH my GOODNESS this feels so fast.
I have not been on a mission trip since college, BUTÂ I canâ€™t get Uganda off my mind. I guess my thoughts about Uganda have been coming in a progression for a little more than a month now. Â But in the last couple of week the thoughts of Uganda occupy my mind.
Iâ€™ve been perfectly fine to serve as prayer partners for others or keep their kids, or feed their animals, and support missions in those ways, and yet Iâ€™ve never thought about the places that my friends have gone the way I think about Uganda. Iâ€™ve been perfectly fine to serve from here.
I keep telling God that I could go to Moldova in Oct. and the next time I turn around Iâ€™m thinking about Uganda not Moldova.Â Â I find myself wondering what is going on there and Iâ€™ve never been there to wonder that.
I have argued that it is only because of Katieâ€™s blog that Iâ€™m thinking this, (www.amazima.org) and that our Bible study is just stirring in my heart.Â Seems logical right?Â Only this trip is not really going anywhere near Katie and I still think about it.
It seems like a lot of money to come up with in a short amount of time. And yes, I find myself arguing about this with God, because you know that if the devil is going to hang me up, that this is a very easy button to push.Â And yet in the back of my mind, itâ€™s like I know this will be fine, but it is so far beyond my comprehension as to how.
I know that God has more to show me and it honestly scares me a little bit. Â (A very sweet friend said to me, “Apparently God really has something that he wants to show you and he wants to go to Africa to see it.”)
I have no more argument about what to do with the kids â€“ that was worked out today without my even mentioning it to anyone.
I have no conference dates that conflict with the dates of the trip, so I lost that argument.
I think Bâ€™s and my parents would worry but they survived him going to Thailand.
Any other argument I have tried to come up with, holds no water.
As I write this Iâ€™m trying to come up with something, anything to help me negate what Iâ€™m thinking.Â Nothing.
Iâ€™m starting to get a little emotional about it.Â Even now as Iâ€™m writing this my heart is beating faster, and I feel funny.Â (That is most likely because I have let someone else in on my thoughts and I donâ€™t do that very often.)
My biggest argument is the money.Â AND thatâ€™s it.Â Well â€“ and fear.Â Iâ€™ve never been away from my family that long, or that far away.
AND to really throw me off my keister when I talked to Brandon about it last night, he said that he has been praying for me about this for a long time. Well, ever since he came home from Thailand.
So I will pray that Godâ€™s word will be clear and that I will obey without fear and trepidation.Â I keep saying, â€œGod is not the author of fear and confusion.â€
But really God, Africa?